On embracing the process

Finding rhythm and starting over, again.

In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the especially Merciful

Sometimes, we find ourselves scrolling through images that suggest a perfect formula for spiritual growth: a quiet corner, a perfectly brewed cup of tea, and the Qur’an open to a page that seems to whisper a secret that we have missed. It is easy to feel like this is the standard, like there is a special kind of peace that we’re all supposed to experience in exactly the same way.

In reality, spirituality is far more complex and personal. It doesn't fit neatly into any one frame. Our relationship with Allah ﷻ is a journey—alive and shifting, sometimes steady and sometimes erratic. And that's okay.

Like everything meaningful in life, it is shaped by our surroundings, our experiences, the moments in each day and the season we are in.

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For me, this past year has been a different season —immersing myself in the community, building, learning and relearning in ways I never expected. I have been both a student and a teacher, navigating the delicate balance of growth and service. The pace has been fast, sometimes frantic, and my relationship with the Qur’an has moved with these rhythms. It has changed form, and I have had to be okay with that.

With each transition, it is normal for routines to get shaken up, for the familiar rhythms to feel off-beat. Re-establishing those routines takes time, patience, and more grace than we often give ourselves. It means recognizing that habits don’t flourish in isolation but in the middle of life’s noise and demands. It is about finding quiet moments in the chaos, starting anew, and continuing forward, even when the path seems uncertain. Thank God for du’a.

I am aware that I am not where I was a year ago, or even yesterday if we were being honest. And that is a blessing. I am learning to embrace where I am now, to accept that my pace has changed, and that is not just okay—it is necessary. There is no place for harsh self-criticism or comparison to a past version of myself. Those thoughts only slow the heart's progress.

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So I whisper, Alhamdulillah, for where I am and where I am going. I commit to showing up as I am, embracing every step and misstep, trusting that each one brings me closer to where I need to be.

Here is to beginnings, even if they come more than once.

Here is to patience, persistence, and finding peace in the process. ❤️

With love,

Umm Bilal