To fall in love with the Qur'an

Then fall again and again.

In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially merciful

Like all of us, my relationship with the Qur'an has evolved over the years. And I am ever so appreciative of that deep down yearning for more — a connection, a deeper understanding, and  personal transformation. The Qur'an is not just a book of words. It is a living book. It is a guiding light that illuminates our path. The words of Allah, offering profound wisdom and guidance for every aspect of our lives. 

So on the 31st of October 2020, we were robbed. And I recently found an entry into my journal for that day. It was a long one so I took just a bit to share here. Maybe one day, I will share the whole thing In sha’a Allah. To be honest, it is a bit too raw. Anyway, from here they had just left and locked us in the bedroom and my husband in the bathroom. 

I try to get up. I am shaking in fear. I hold my children close.  I say through the bathroom door, "they have gone and we are okay" He said, "can you break this door please?" I say, just gimme a minute and then I hear them knock on my neighbour’s door and then two gunshots and I lie back down. Hubby asked, "What is it?” I am shaking and can only mutter "Inna lillahi…" then I eventually say, "please stay locked up, let's all just lie on the floor and be safe." Then we hear footsteps as the thieves leave the compound and then a few minutes later, we hear more footsteps, "the police are here" . I hear my brother in law's voice. 

Then they look everywhere for the keys, we ask them to just break the bedroom door. They do. We come out. The kids are crying uncontrollably now. They can sense it - the fear and panic. We do a quick sweep of what is missing, my work and personal laptops, apple pencil and iPad, my wallet, phone, the girls' phones, my jewellery box, hubby's personal laptop and wait… (a few days ago, I asked for his work laptop he said he left it in the office cos he wants to get used to life without it, he was due to hand it back at resignation and I said "but with all the break-ins around town  why not bring it home, it's safer." Remembering that, I instantly made the dua no wife ever dreams of making, "Ya Allah I pray he did not listen to me" Alhamdulillah! He forgot it)...also his leather jacket, some clothes, some shoes, some perfumes, his iPad and pencil, his phone, my brother in law's phone, camera (he is a photographer) and laptop, the television and the chargers and the WIFI router, and…. 

I turn to my hubby and I said, “I feel so ungrateful. Just a few days ago, I said I was broke and behind on my Qalam fees and look all that was stolen from us. Did we thank Allah enough? If we were broke then, what are we now? SubhanAllah!”

Then the police leave and I have this insane need to make wudhu. Intentional Wudhu! I wonder why. I think of the reflections we shared in class and then I think of Reem's share (my classmate) about death and I start to cry. 

The kids all want me to carry them and so I do and I say to them, "You guys are great kids you know but protecting you is not entirely my responsibility, not even for the most part." I remember Ustadha Aatifa during the hangout, "relieve yourself of that burden of responsibility" and my lungs open up and I breathe easy.

Then the husband is pacing and I say, "This was not your fault. You did not pick the wrong house. You were outnumbered and you were brave. I thought you were talking too much but thank you for talking too much, you kept their focus on you and away from me and your voice was my anchor. I knew you were okay and it gave me strength to keep making dua. You couldn't have done anything different. This is the Qadr of Allah.” Then I shared the hadith about if people came together to give you something, they can't if Allah doesn't will it and if people want to stop something from you, they can't if Allah doesn't will it. (Then I think Wow! Ustadha F will be proud, you quoted it verbatim).

“Ya Rabb! They took my iPad, did I thank Allah enough for it! I always wanted the iPad Pro cause the screen was bigger but was I grateful enough for the one I had. I spent most of the week preparing the gratitude chapter for the guided Qur'an journal. Ya Allah forgive me.”

“How do I answer the questions of the exam and submit them as a pdf? I should have read the tips people were suggesting in the group.” Sujud Ash-Shukr! 

Then I started to say Astaghfirullah...it was what my heart needed. Then I remembered the ayah …

“Ask forgiveness of your Lord: He is ever forgiving.and He will cause the heavens to rain upon you in abundance, and will help you with riches and sons, and will cause gardens to grow for you, and cause rivers to flow for you. [Surah Nuh - 10 - 12]”

Ustadh was right, if you keep reflecting on the Qur’an, someday it just comes and it is usually when you need it. 

I do believe  that personal stories, like this one I just shared, have the power to ignite our souls and inspire deeper reflection. They remind us that the Qur'an is a living, breathing book that speaks to us individually, addressing our fears, doubts, and aspirations and anchors us in the easy and difficult times in our lives.

The Women of Tadabbur is built on the belief that through shared stories and discussions, we can foster personal growth and create a supportive space for every woman's unique journey.

I encourage you to reflect on your own story. What is it that brings you to the Qur'an? What questions or challenges are you seeking answers to? What situations are you needing help to navigate?

Sometimes, the most powerful revolutions start with a single verse that resonates within our hearts. And that is how we start to fall in love with the Qur’an.

May your connection with the Qur'an grow ever so stronger.

With heartfelt gratitude, 

Umm Bilal